Abundant Living

I have heard many stories lately about celebrities who aren’t as happy as they seem to be.  I recently watched a documentary on Netflix about people who are mega-famous on social media and how they live their day to day lives.  The documentary showed that what people see through platforms like Instagram isn’t always as glamorous as the real lives of the people behind the scenes.  Many of these “celebrities” are tired.  Tired of being alone, tired of having to constantly produce more and more content for people to be satisfied, and sometimes even tired of being seen and “known” by millions of people.  It seems strange that someone surrounded by adoring fans could be so alone, that someone loved all around the world could dream of having a normal life, one without the fame and the money.  And then something struck me.  These people don’t seem to have real community.  They have a ton of followers, but no one that genuinely knows who they are or how they operate or what they really like to do.  And this is because their fans don’t actually know them or really spend time with them.  They don’t love them, they love the image of them that is projected.  

This thought got me thinking more, like most revelations tend to do in my mind, about my own life and community and about other friend groups I have examined, both healthy and unhealthy.  I had a talk with my buddy Darryl about some of these ideas and came to the conclusion that many of us resort not to being ourselves in our friend groups, but a mere projection of ourselves that we want others to see.  We often take what it is in our minds that will make us acceptable, cool, and relatable, and like a movie play out the actions and read the script that will gain for us the status and reputation that we desire.  In playing this movie we may find for a moment satisfaction that we are being perceived in a positive light, the way we want to be perceived, but it is short-lived because we are sacrificing our true selves for the “virtue” of being well received.  In essence, a lot of people are faking it.  Everyone has felt the tension when being thrown into a group of new people, to prove themselves, to make sure that they are seen as cool, funny, and good to be around, and most everyone at some point in their life has exaggerated and molded their personality in order to fit in with a certain group.  And so, we end up being fake in order to be liked, accepted, and valued.  

The problem with this is thoroughly amplified when we understand that everyone in the community is probably doing this.  One person is projecting a version of themselves to get another person to like them, who may also be projecting another version of themselves to get another person to like them and so on.  In unhealthy community we end up not with a group of individuals with their own thoughts and values, loving and building each other up, but with a community of projections, codependent on each other to give meaning to their lives.  The people in a healthy community are autonomous, each with an inherent feeling of purpose and meaning, a disposition towards movement and growth, while the community of projections never grows stronger because they are constantly feeding on each other.  The people in the healthy group experience a profound sense of love and adoration, while the people of projections only experience a hollow love, for their true self is not actually being built up, only their projection.  

This is the tragedy, as I mentioned earlier with many of those that get famous as actors, singers, and social media icons.  It is very difficult for them to find true love in their lives because the people swooning over them only really love the self that they have projected into public eyes.  They are loved not in their day to day, mundane tasks that all of us have to go through, with flaws and zero filters, but they are loved for the photoshop, the fame, and for the reputation perceived.  And we too will not experience genuine acceptance and love if we only allow our projection out.  If we do not get vulnerable and open with the real relationships and actual people in front of us, then we are in danger of staying hidden, and allowing our projection to be loved rather than our real selves.  

The solution then is to be unapologetically our true selves.  It is not to try and fit in any longer, but to break the mold and find solid people that will accept us without the filters and without the movie.  It is in getting real that we break the cycle of the community of projections and experience genuine relationship and vulnerability.  I personally can no longer change myself for others, but only take steps to grow into the man that I am.  I can move forward, with God as my identity, in openness and freedom from shame, acceptance of self and gratefulness in my weaknesses, in order to break free from my own projections I so dearly hold on to and enter into the gift of freedom I was made for.  You can be who you are.  You are only hurting yourself by creating new presentations every time you meet someone.  You don’t need to prove yourself or succumb to the cycle—you can be free, see others free, and experience the love you’ve been waiting for.  End the cycle, be who you are. 

Aaron Russ

@yaboy__Aaron, aaronruss94@gmail.com

 

I had friend once.  It’s hard to believe I know, but yes, I had a friend, who sat on a ping pong table while a bunch of friends and I were playing.  We were getting our slices in and getting super competitive because that’s just what you do when you play ping pong, and this friend comes in trying to be funny (we all have that friend) and pops a squat right on the table and cracks it.  This person wasn’t super large or something, they just sat in the right spot on the table and put a nice line through one of the sides.  My friends and I looked at each other, not knowing whether to laugh or be completely irate because he ruined the game for us.  It started out with a “DOOD! Are you serious? Why would you do that?”  Most people would respond with a shocked “I’m so sorry” or a “I didn’t think that would happen, I was just messing around!”, but this friend, maybe like some friends that you have, refused to accept any blame for the matter.  They went on to say how it wasn’t really them, and how the crack was probably already coming about and how the integrity of the ping pong table was probably cheapened from over use or whatever, as if 5 of us didn’t just see with our own eyes that our friend had sat on the table and cracked it.  I was aghast at the words coming out of his mouth.  In my own mind, I’m thinking that it really isn’t that big of a deal, I mean it wasn’t my table anyway.  And even if it was, accidents happen, and I have done a lot of stupid things to break stuff that shouldn’t have been broken.  A simple “I’m sorry” would have done nicely.

I am glad this did happen though because it got me thinking about the shift of blame tactic that we humans so often use to deliver ourselves from a sense of guilt and shame.  It has happened from the very beginning.  In the Bible, in Genesis 3 where it gives account of the fall of humanity into sinful ways, God speaks to Adam and asks him if he had eaten of the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  Adam responds “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me the fruit of the tree and I ate.”  God then asks the woman, Eve, “What is this that you have done?, to which Eve replies “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”  Adam gets a big question from Father God that we have all gotten from our parents at some point in time, “What happened? And “Did you do it?”, to which Adam responds by blaming his wife and blaming God for giving him a wife.  Eve is given the same opportunity to fes’ up, but blames the deceiving serpent for her wrong doings, much like my buddy blaming the table for being so frail as to not be able to handle his hefty butt bash.  

We, as humans, seem to be terrified of our own wrongdoings.  We are perhaps scared of punishment, externally from authority and internally from our own conscious.  It is hard for us in many instances to just say three simple words, “It’s my fault.”  It is as if in saying these words we are accepting our own human fragility, our own shame in not being perfect or good enough.  We may be accepting in these words an idea not only that what we did is wrong, but that we ourselves are wrong and are subject to punishment, which indeed is what many psychologists define as true shame.  But all of these ideas in our heads, I believe, are myths and stories created that keep us in bondage.  Confessing is a blessing.  See what I did there? The rhyme and everything?  With proper wisdom, confessing to fault is actually a key into a door that leads to freedom.  It keeps us honest.  It protects us from false stories and ridiculous blame shifting which only lead us to live as false selves.  In confessing we accept not the shame, but the beauty of being fallible.  There is grace in knowing that we mess up, that we make mistakes, and that not everything goes according to plan or how we thought it would in our minds.  If my buddy would have accepted the blame for breaking the table, we could have solved the problem, offered forgiveness, pitched in for a new table, and had a funny story to laugh at later on.  But instead, we spent minutes in confusion over what happened and maybe a little bitterness that the person wouldn’t just “man up” and say that they had messed up.  I know I did at least.  

The point is that shifting blame ultimately, and pardon my strong language, makes you a weak person.  A person that knows who they are and knows their weaknesses as well, can own up to their faults when the time comes.  A person who stays in the dark and tries to pretend like everything is alright and that the table isn’t broken or was already broken, remains ignorant to their own fallibility, and in this can never fully experience grace, forgiveness, and intimate relationship founded on growing strong through weakness.  They are always denying the fact that they have need for improvement and that maybe they should think through some of the ways they act or react in their life.  This denial keeps them from truly growing in that they are unaware that there is even room to grow.  

James 5:16 says it this way, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”  Fessing up brings healing.  It actualizes you as a true individual.  I know this well personally.  My loud, boisterous personality sometimes keeps me from thinking through things all the way, sometimes leading to making mistakes, like smashing somebodies sand castle like I did in 4th grade or throwing something on a whim and it hitting somebody in the face, or obeying the passions of my body and lashing out at somebody or entering into some form of manipulation.  But every time I own up to these mistakes I only see healing.  It strengthens and heals my relationships and it opens up dialogue for growth.  In many cases, especially the “silly sins” it creates laughter and joy and people end up saying things like “Oh Aaron!”  You’re crazy!!”  When you open up to your own fault, it opens others up to notice that they aren’t always on point either, and this forms deeper and more intimate connection with others because you start falling in love with the little idiosyncrasies that make us humans human.

So don’t blame shift.  Don’t say that it is the tables fault, or it is the woman’s fault, or the devils’s fault, or your parents’ fault, or your teachers fault, or whoever.  You are responsible for how you respond and react in every situation.  You are responsible for how you deal with every circumstance and how you see every interaction.  We are too often held back in life because we are constantly blaming other people or things for the way we are or for why things happened the way they did.  If you keep blaming other things, then you will never take the responsibility to change—it will always be somebody else’s job to make things right or to make things better.  Instead, say “It’s my fault”.  Give yourself some responsibility, confess to your wrongdoings and watch the healing waters come.  Boom.

When I was younger, I played a lot of baseball.  I fell in love with it when I was about 8 years old and played until I got into high school when I stopped because, to be honest, I just didn’t make the team my freshman year.  Anti-climactic right?  Anyway, there was a season that I played (which was no doubt my favorite season) on the PONY Baseball Cardinals.  I was 13 years old and was in the prime of my playing as sad as that is to say.  I was an excellent second baseman, from what my coach said at least, and had one of the highest batting averages on the team.  I loved making plays and diving for the ball and there was no better feeling than making contact bat to ball and sending a line drive or huge banger into the outfield.  I remember specifically a play I made at second with 2 outs where I dove for the ball and caught it off of a bounce and then threw it to first from my belly to get the runner out just in time.  My whole team and all the parents were screaming and excited and I felt like a super star. 

Unfortunately, this great feeling was ended not many games after when a ground ball took a dirty hop and popped me right in the eye.  I remember so vividly the pain of that experience, getting taken off the field and having to put ice on my eye, my mom doing what mom’s do, probably freaking out and trying to help me.  But this hit I took didn’t just affect me physically, the ball hit me psychologically.  From that point on I was no longer the super star second baseman that I used to be.  I was hesitant getting to the ball when it was hit to me, I prayed that it would go to the short stop instead, and I was extremely fearful of reliving the painful experience that I had a couple weeks ago.  Deep in my subconscious I knew that it could happen again and I was almost involuntarily doing everything I could to keep that from happening.  Long story short, I got moved to outfield because I couldn’t ground a ball to save my life, and the season ended, I got some confidence back, and was ok for the next year. YAY for time that heals right?

Looking back on that experience today I felt compelled to move this narrative and apply it to our lives and the New year.  Are you glad that I got to the point of this post?  haha.  There are certainly pains and hurts in our lives, like the baseball hitting me in the eye, ironically, that change our perspective on life.  They make us more hesitant, afraid to jump into things, things that could be very good like relationships or deeper friendships, new job opportunities and faith in God.  Our poor experiences can alter the way we see ourselves and people, to the point that we do anything we can to protect ourselves from those things that could hurt us again.  The New Year brings great hope in that people start thinking about things they want to change, dreams they want to accomplish, and fears they want to overcome.  But most often, these ideals of change fail because the root of fear, or apathy, or withdrawal is so deep within our psyche.  If we want genuine change this year then we identify our baseball roots, cut them off, and get ourselves back in the game.  If we want to have deeper relationships this year, then we have to get to the baseball root that is keeping our hearts from intimacy.  If we want to change our job situation than we have to get to the baseball root of what is keeping us from the courage to take a leap of faith.  If we want to pursue God in a more powerful way this year than we have to get to the baseball root of our laziness and dependency on worldly things that we might think satisfy us more than him.  And then once we get to the root, we have to cut that root, seek healing, and jump into the unknown.  

We must not just identify a root and let it be, but rip it out and run into whatever the courage and intimacy and faith is that we are seeking, and then develop practices that help us stay where we want to be.  For example, It would be great if I could identify that me getting hurt by the baseball affected my mind and my game, but that identification would not heal me unless I got back on the field and ran full force at that grounder, giving myself another shot to get a sweet diving out.  It would never be effective unless I practiced with the team and continued to put myself in situations where the same thing could happen.  But just because it could happen again shouldn’t keep me from playing the game I love with great friends.  Just because you’ve been hurt in the past by a person doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t jump back into relationships (make sure they are healthy of course) because those relationships are good for you and will fill you with joy and love.  Just because you feel a little tight on money doesn’t mean that you should keep a job you hate with a passion just so you can survive.  And just because you’ve been hit in the eye by hypocrisy in the church doesn’t mean that God doesn’t exist and love you and have wonderful community for you. 

This New Year will be the same as the last year if we don’t let go of our past hurts and enter into new things.  We have to be intentional and thoughtful with the things that are keeping us from pursuing our dreams and investing in life-giving, deep relationships.  When we let go we will see that it was really all a poor perspective in our minds.  It was really just a ball that hit us in the eye and scared us away from being confident and secure and full of joy.  Don’t let the pain shift your perspective, let it move you right into your mountains and let it lead you to leap right over them. 

Our ability to think, believe, and form opinions about topics is a gift.  We are the only creatures on the planet that have the ability to form ideas and create meaning in our lives.  We are given data and information throughout life about various different things: schooling, politics, religion, dating, marriage, philosophy and the like.  It is our responsibility then to formulate our own opinions through experience and research in these areas so that we can come to what many would call a “worldview.”  A worldview is a perspective and process by which one takes on life in light of all of the things they understand and do not understand, believe or not believe, and agree with or disagree with.  There are, with 8 billion people in the world, 8 billion different worldviews.  No matter how similar a person is to another they do not think exactly the same way.  They may agree with various people on a whole slew of different issues, but will probably disagree on something else like how to raise a child or where to get best deals on quality salsa. And of course there are those people that disagree on most everything and swing on the complete opposite end of the pendulum from small topics of shopping to issues with more gravitas like ethics and philosophy.  

With all these differences, it is easy for quarrels and disagreements to arise.  It is not hard to notice by just turning on the TV that people have strong opinions and can consider others with differing arguments daft, uninformed and sometimes downright stupid.  Opinions are expressed on talk shows, political debates, sports shows and even cartoons with certain agendas and ideas they want to get across.  It is everywhere.  For this reason, I have come to realize that thinking is a gift and it is a gift given not only to me, but to everyone who can realize their autonomy.  And so my main point is this: STOP trying to make everyone think like you do.  Embrace the different ways of thinking that are out in the world and learn to embrace the idea that your worldview might be just as wrong as the person next to you.  Now I am not saying to stop being persuasive, or to stop having meaningful discussions about important issues that can get heated at times.  I am saying that there is so much bickering and fighting in the world over ideas and beliefs, much of which is done outside of love and listening and so nothing actually gets accomplished.  

Much of debate is done today without even listening to what the other party has to say.  We come into conversations holding tightly to our bias, our preconceptions of the other person and their beliefs, and our relentless pursuit of being right, and therefore, we can’t really have disagreement that is fruitful in any way.  Disagreement is natural, as natural as the differences in our bodies and frame, and because of this I believe that we need to have more grace for each other wherever we are at in our ideologies and beliefs.  It is indeed far from worth it to devalue another individual because they think differently then you.  We are all one, made from the same substance, made in the same image, and valued by the same God.  So let us let go of our need to have everyone be on the same page as us, or even to have them read from the same book.  I am dedicated now only to listen before I speak, to hear a person’s heart before I judge their views, and value before I vilify a person who I disagree with.  I encourage you to do the same as you enter into conversation and debate with others in whatever area, whether theology and philosophy, politics and economics, and even debates with your spouse or significant other that can get you on a whole different level of angry.  Learn to love people, and love them by listening and embracing that they are not you and don’t have to be.  

Today I had a conversation with a man named Johnny.  We both go to the same gym and see each other almost everyday.  Sometimes we share an occasional head nod, but other than that, we haven’t said a word to each other.  In the locker room after our workout he, my buddy Massimo and I had a conversation, starting with small talk and leading into some more deep talks of God, faith, and religion.  Johnny had a limited knowledge of church.  He had some people in his life who had brought him to Catholic mass and some encounters with Mormons coming to his door; he believed in God, but had been hurt by people.  He told us stories of people in his family who had positions of power and a good reputation in the church, but were not the people that they presented themselves to be behind closed doors.  He stopped going to church like many because he saw the hypocrisy of God’s people.  He couldn’t trust anymore that what he heard from the man or woman on stage was pure, and thus, his view on the body of Christ and religion was tainted.  

Who could fault Johnny? He, like so many others, believes in God and talks to the “man upstairs,” but he probably wouldn’t be caught dead again in a church of any faith.  It makes sense that someone would stray away from a place that was full of hypocrisy, a place that only had the image of safety, but was rather, as Jesus stated, a den of thieves.  It grieves my heart that so many are led astray by the children of God, by people that claim to carry God’s grace but speak in their own judgment, praise and worship in song but speak death with their words, and pronounce righteousness while living in sin.  Of course, there are so many Christians that are good hearted, and often they are just trying to do the best that they can.  To be honest, if you want to talk about hypocrites, you’d probably have to include most everyone on the planet.     Nevertheless, Johnny’s story touched my heart and again encouraged me to live in honesty and truth.  I am called to be light and love for the world.  I am called to be a beacon of peace and joy and a safe place for those who need refuge.  Johnny’s story made clear to me the importance of living a single life.  No, not one that refrains from entering into intimate relationships, but one that refuses to live two different ways, one in front of people and one when no one is looking.  If I claim to follow this Jesus whom I love, and this Jesus loves to love and inspire change in people, then it is both my privilege and duty to represent him in a way that honors His nature.  People like Johnny need something real.  They don’t want church on Sunday, they want the living God.  They don’t just need a sermon, they need to encounter the person of Jesus.  And if we are the image of this Jesus then our lives ought to reflect it because before people every read the Bible, they will read us.

Paul, the apostle, says it this way to the church in Corinth: “You (the people of Corinth) show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”  This means that my life as a Christian is a word to people around me, a word that often times will speak much louder than a service on Sunday or a passage of Scripture.  My life, and yours, is meant to be a tangible expression of the heart, nature, and wisdom of God.  It is designed for reflection, to see the Father, God Almighty, and to become like him, so that people may know his goodness.  It is to be trustworthy and faithful and full of the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control, so that people like Johnny may have opportunity to see God in the right light.  Our lives are a testimony to the power and change that encountering God can bring, and if we live hypocritically, this power is tainted.  It is seen merely as oppressive religion and regulation.  

I want people to encounter the God of creation in truth, and for this reason, I am dedicated to being the most authentic believer I can be.  I don’t have everything together by any means, but I am interested only in becoming more in love with Jesus and more genuine in my reflection of His character.  I don’t want to live a double life that brings confusion to others about who God actually is.  May we be a people who humble ourselves before God and flee from things that taint the image of God to other people.  

 

Religion has been around since, what seems like, the beginning of humankind.  For millennia, people have have constructed beliefs around ethereal and eternal deities, ones that control the Earth, form land and sea, have dominion over sky and rain, love and fertility and other manner of subject.  Our people have created myth upon myth telling everything from the story of creation and how we came to be to how we should live our lives and serve the gods in daily life.  Myth upon myth and idea upon idea; there is an endless list of deities, and doctrines, poems, stories, and religious texts all trying to put words to the invisible God (or gods) that control the universe and somehow take part in the influence over human lives as well.  Humanities hunt for the heavenly is not new; it is ancient.  We have long desired, for some inextricable reason, to believe in something greater than ourselves, something more beautiful than the Earth and more precious than the material realm.  The divine has always been on our minds as an object of hope and a reason for existence.  Much more, it frees us from the pains and tribulations from which we so desperately seek deliverance.  Indeed, it has given many cultures and peoples “answers,” in some form, to deep existential questioning and longing for meaning.  Unfortunately, our search for meaning tied with our selfish pursuit of personal gain and power (which we in many ways define as meaning) has led us to create our own gods.  Yes, ones of myth and ancient tale, but also ones that mimic desires in us that I personally would deem, unprofitable. 

For centuries we have believed in Gods of great strength and valor that take what they want by force, do as they please and listen to no one but the counsel of their own illustriousness.  Ancient Babylonian tales narrate creation as coming through a great war, where gods were torn in half to create the sky and bodies were laid down low to form the Earth.  Certain greek gods were known for their sexual appeal, their brute violence, their merciless exploits, and their gain of power.  Don’t these gods sound a little too much like the humans that created them?  It seems to me that many of the gods found in ancient history are only reflections of humanity.  Though some good, many of the gods were seen through limited broken minds, and therefore, were related to through broken systems of religion and cultish practices such as the sacrifice of children found in ancient civilizations.  You see, much of human history has roots in religion and devotion to gods with values not far off from our own.  We have done our best surely to find meaning and clarity in the mystery, and to believe in something greater than ourselves that simply provides for our desires: the gods of the crops for our provision, of the waters for our safety, of war for our victory and of judgment for retribution.  Sadly, however, this has led us to create gods of truths but not discover the truth, and to mold together gods of our own choosing and liking in our own image, rather than be shaped by the power of a god who made us in his.  

We still do this today.  While not far off from ancient civilizations predating us, we consider it necessary to create our god through our own perspective rather than jumping into the divine to encounter wisdom for ourselves.  We come with bias and preconceptions (of which I of course am not invulnerable to) that limit our ability to relate with and experience the god of creation.  This is where my own belief ironically comes in to say, that this God is Jesus Christ, the word at the beginning who switched the ancient narrative on its head.  The Hebrew Bible begins with creation coming through, not violence, but peace over violence, a forming of land in the midst of chaos.  It also triumphantly proclaims that humanity was not created to search and create gods according to their own image, but that humanity is indeed a manifest representation of the image of God.  In preparing this blog, I felt my god speak to me inwardly, and in his calming voice he said, “If you do not encounter me as I am, you will create for yourself a god only as great as your own brokenness.”  This means simply that if I put God in a box and assume that I know who he is and who he will be in my life, if I believe that my perspective is the only perspective and that my thoughts are as great as divinity itself, then I will create in my own mind a relationship with God that is built on a shaky foundation, the ever fluctuating current of my emotions, ideas, hurts, pains, and insecurities.  I can only really see through my own bias.  I can only really create a god that suits me if I do not succumb to the reality that I am probably wrong and the desperation that I need God to reveal to me the truth of his nature.  

For me, I now live my life with open hands and spread fingers, holding my preconceptions and ideas as grains of sand, ready to be molded and taken by my creator.  He knows the wisdom from the beginning, and therefore I can trust that I will be led by his right hand into proper thinking, profound wisdom, and a beautiful relationship.  I can no longer trust in a broken god, one who is judgmental because I judge myself, unconcerned because I feel alone, and angry because I feel like I am not good enough.  I can no longer see my god through my own fear and insecurity, creating him for others like cultures of old to be full of violence and intimidation, judgment and fear.  I instead choose to encounter the God of the Bible revealed to me.  This one is full of love and compassion, tenderheartedness and mercy; he is one who never leaves or forsakes, who sees the best, and who always reminds me of my destiny and calling.  This God does not need to assert his power and show himself off, but only come as a servant and find strength in humility.  He is not distant caught up in the clouds, but close as a brother, comforting humanity in its anguish.  As I drop my broken lenses to the floor I begin to see a God that does not look like I had once known;  he is far more beautiful and far more gracious.  He is not broken but whole; I just had the wrong prescription glasses.  I invite you to let go of, as best you can, your preconceptions and biases and lay them at the feet of the Lord, so that he can take off your broken lenses and free you from your broken gods.  

Security and comfort are two of the most primitive and innate desires within a human being.  We long to feel safe, protected, and confident.  In many cases, what makes us feel secure is what makes us human.  We love a fire in the cold, a hot meal when we are hungry, a nice cup of coffee to wake us up in the morning, and a kind word or person when we are distraught.  There is nothing better than feeling safe.  Unfortunately, many of us live in a perpetual state of insecurity, where we feel everything but safe.  Usually, this doesn’t have anything to do with a physical sense of danger or life or death situations, but rather with an internal state of mind.  Though we might walk on physical ground in our day to day, our mental space may be a completely different story.  Our mind, rather than safety, is filled with fears, failures, shame, comparisons, and all matter of perceptions that make solid ground feel like a tight rope.  Insecurity comes through thoughts of worthlessness and self-image, “I am not good enough,” thoughts of comparison, “that person has it better than me,” and through a general idea that who you are is not who you should be.  It is a plague in our American culture (and indeed human history) that is easily perceived if we would open our eyes and see it as it is.  It is not hard to see just scrolling though social media that we are constantly creating ourselves for others, living according to others’ expectations and desires, and dwelling in a habitual self-conscious mind-set that leaves us empty and anxious.  The fear of judgment permeates throughout our communities, damages our individualism and kills our creativity.  I firmly believe that if don’t take active steps to combat the mind sets of insecurity, then we will live half-hearted and afraid for much of our lives.  I am confident that God has something much better for us and would like to go a little deeper into this issue and its solution.  

As I was thinking about this topic I started to day dream a little bit about rock climbing, thinking about the people that climb to the top of peaks and scale huge rock surfaces sometimes for days at a time.  These crazy adventure seekers climb hundreds, sometimes thousands of feet in the air and enjoy every second of it.  I started to wonder, however, how willing these people would be to climb up these enormous mountains if they didn’t have a rope holding them and protecting them from falling to a sure death.  Obviously, you have your insane exceptions that climb up half dome without a harness or ropes or anything, but for the most part, rock climbers wouldn’t think twice about climbing some of these surfaces without safety ropes.  These ropes give them confidence to ascend to great heights because they know that if they if they do mess up, they won’t fall to their death.  They can take risks and go for holds that they wouldn’t normally go for simply because their confidence is in their support system.  If they didn’t have this support, their climb would be filled with fear and hesitancy and I am sure some of them would freeze and not want to continue the climb for fear of failure.  I started to realize that insecurity does the same thing in our lives.  When we don’t have something sure to put our confidence in our personality, individualism, goals, and ultimately joy come under paralysis.  We are hesitant to put ourselves out there, to take risks, or to be different from the status quo.  We walk on egg shells around others for fear of judgment and make choices based on others’ standards rather than our own values and loves.  Ultimately, insecurity leads us only in paths of paralysis, and if not dealt with, will keep us from reaching the summit of the mountain, on top of which are our goals, ambitions, and purpose.  

Insecurity is not easily remedied.  I wish that I could give a list of 3 things that all start with the same letter that would give you relief from all of your fears, but insecurity is faced and overcome in process with our own minds, and our minds, unfortunately, have been ingrained with performance, judgment, and poor self-image, which are all incredibly deep weeds in the psyche.  I seek to give then only points of practice that have helped me to be a more confident individual and allowed in my own life a genuine freedom from most all of the insecurities I have dealt with.  I entered into a “battle” of sorts with my own my mind about 4 years ago, and through a quite grueling process, have seen tremendous results and growth.  Some insecurities are easy to beat and some stay for what seems like forever, but with time freedom comes in full.  

True freedom comes first by realizing that you are probably insecure in certain areas.  You can’t overcome something that you deny.  In fact, the more you deny something the bigger it gets.  If you don’t tend to a wound it will get infected, and that’s what most people do with the pains that they have in their head.  This is why we have people that put on masks of confidence and robes of pride.  They often can’t deal with their own insecurity or shame in a certain area and compensate for it by being overly assertive or forward.  The irony of this trap can hardly be overstated; people act like they don’t have weakness because they are actually insecure about the fact that they have weakness.  Weakness is not bad, it is just an opportunity for growth.  Actually, Paul says in his letter to the Corinthians that God’s power is made perfect in weakness and that we should be stoked about our weaknesses because they are opportunities for power to manifest.  The first step to overcoming insecurity is to let go of shame and become vulnerable to change in ourselves and with others.  If we can be ok with the fact that we don’t have everything together, we are on the right track towards liberation.

The next step towards secure living is to start uncovering the lies that are holding you captive.  Insecurity feeds off of a lack of identity, and identity, if not founded in something solid and unchanging (See “Found in the eternal”) can get extremely confusing.  If your self-worth and value are dependent on how you feel from day to day or what society considers worthy of praise then you will live your whole life believing that you are not enough.  Your confidence in your choices will fluctuate based on the ever-changing views of culture.  Security then, in my eyes, comes from the constant foundation of God’s love and view of me.  If I can see myself how he sees me, then I will be secure in all things.  No matter what others say, I am loved and valued.  I am acknowledged, accepted, and adored by Daddy God whether or not people treat me well or see the good in me, and for this reason, I can be confident to go after any dream of mine.  I am not held back by a need for approval or by a constant fear of failure, but rather propelled into abundance through the ever-present principle of God’s pleasure over me.  Thus, security lies in the eternal and not the finite.  It is found only in glimpses through the actions of a proud father, a loving friend, or perhaps a new job opportunity here in our world.  These are only reflections, and indeed changing shadows of the true light found in relationship with the creator.  The God of humanity is always proud, always befriending us, and always wanting to breathe new life into our situations through opportunity.  He does not change, and therefore, is the greatest solace of security.  

The final, and probably most important step in overcoming, is to repent.  And I don’t mean repent in the way that the church traditionally uses it, as a confession of sin and means to absolution, but rather, the original greek use of the word metanoia, which means “change your mind.”  In essence, we can not just stop at uncovering wounds and lies in our lives and have a knowledge that there is a greater truth of freedom.  We must put our knowledge of an eternal security to practice, and essentially, reshape our minds to believe the divine truths about ourselves: that we are enough, that we have power to be imaginative and loving, and that we don’t have to prove ourselves or become something else to be accepted, etc.  Now this is the part that no one really wants to do.  We love to talk about our worth as humans and believe in grandiose ideals of positivity, but often times we refuse to actually wrestle with and receive those ideals for ourselves.  The entire beauty of this journey of life is in the intentionality towards progress and fight for freedom.  If we are intentional every day about changing our minds to think better about ourselves and to look in the mirror and choose to see something unique and important, I believe we will get the results we are looking for.  But we must be patient!  We can’t get angry at ourselves if we have an off day, or if we are still struggling with a similar belief for a year or two.  Instead, we must trust that every bit of movement is improvement, and that the process is worth it for the end result, which is abundant life.  

So let us hold fast to the truth about us.  There is no need for insecurity in our lives.  It is only a stumbling block and hinderance to following our God-given dreams and calling.  We must enter into vulnerability, uncover the lies that have held us back, and make practical steps in our own minds to overcome.  It is possible.  I have seen the seed of the truth bear such amazing fruit in my life.  Every day I grow in the idea that I am unconditionally accepted and loved and that I am secure in the beloved.  No fear is too big, no insecurity too strong for the powerful love of God and the insane persistence of mind renewal.  Keep going, be courageous, and kick your insecurities in the teeth.  

Identity has been a huge buzzword recently, both in societal/cultural and religious spheres.  It seems that there are so many ideas circulating about what makes you who you are.  You are what you feel, what you make, what you do, who you associate yourself with, what you look like, what religion you follow, which political candidate you support…etc.  Controversies have risen in sexuality and race, challenging ideas have caused division between groups and intellectual wars have been fought.  It seems only natural for a human being to ask questions, to search for, and if need be, to stand up for who they are.  From the beginning we have longed to search for our beginning.  We have longed to find our origin, our true self.  We have ideals of better days, of better versions of ourselves, because deep down, I believe, we know that there is a “genesis” us, a core center where we can just be.  The problem is, however, that we would, in essence, have to uncreate ourselves in order to find the beginning.  We have learned realities that are sometimes too uncomfortable and difficult to unravel;  we have been taught who we are through experience, whether good or bad, and have developed ideas of ourselves in our minds that are in some ways inconsistent, flawed, and deeply unhealthy.  To unlive these realities seems nothing short of impossible.  How does one forget the terrible things that have happened to them, the feelings of alienation, the bouts of insecurity, the distance and detriment of poisonous relationships?  It is only through the miraculous power of mind regeneration (renewal of the mind) and, in my personal belief, the ability of the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ the Son, to bring us back to the garden, our genesis.  

My proposal is quite simple: There is a true being behind every individual that transcends feelings and emotions, happenstance and experience, and breaks through trivial ideas of identity derived from our work, our flawed perceptions, and our personality traits or tendencies.  In order to live a life steady and strong, there must be a solid rock of identity that supports through the waves of life’s changes.  If we live only by our feelings, which change from hour to hour, or by our situations, which vary day to day, then our sense of self will fluctuate in an a unhealthy way, leaving us only to be tossed to and fro by every gust of wind.  A core self, however, is not shaken by strong gusts nor the heaviest of waves.  It stands firm to face the teetering and fragile state of our emotions and thoughts, while still remaining flexible for growth and adaptation in different circumstances.  A core self creates strong human beings.  It creates individuals who understand their inherent value and worth, their God image, and their resilience through pressure and failure.  It creates individuals who live not according to mountains and valley, highs and lows, but who live according to a rock-steady truth.  The fact of the matter is that identity remains when life hits.  True self is not changed according to the movement of circumstance, feeling and habit, it instead grows within these changes to present itself more worthy of trust.  For when the change is over and the storm settles, one is stronger for standing firm to their core identity than if they shift according to the circumstance.  Plainly speaking, when you stick to who you really are even when everything around you and in you is fluctuating, you come out with more perseverance and with a more defined character.  

The question to ask at this time is now: How do I find this true self?  This question is crucial simply because our core is buried beneath layers of pain, confusion, and shame.  But treasure is always worth seeking despite the depth of the soil.  The key to finding the true self lies, I believe, in releasing oneself from the burden of preconception and in holding loosely all of our formed beliefs.  It is in coming back to the beginning, to experience our creator, that we find what we were created for.  For who could know the extent of our existence more than the one who founded it.  Yes, I am talking about God, and hopefully, not too abstractly.  This God is Jesus, the word at the beginning, the one who breathed us into being and formed us from the clay of the ground.  This God formed us in our mother’s womb, created us in his image, and spoke the stars into the sky; surely he has a voice in regard to our identity.  Therefore, we should be determined to let go of who we think we are, in order to grasp who God our founder and image knows us to be.  In his image, the father sees us as love, he sees us as creative, as powerful, as peaceful, as righteous, as good, as present, as worthy of honor, and with the capability to have dominion over that which was created for us, namely, the world.  The mind too was created for the human being, itself being subject to our dominion if we would be so bold.  If we would grab hold of these core attributes I do believe that we would see tremendous growth in our view of ourselves, our ability to love and relate to others, and in our presence in the world.  

How can one continue in insecurity when true identity shows us that humans are loved and always accepted?  How can someone treat others with malice and contempt if he/she is filled with the presence of God and all the fruits that come therewith?  And how can a person not live out purpose and calling when they are influenced by a God who loves the poor and disenfranchised, a God who delivers those caught up in the traps of self-deception and debauchery in which we were once held?  True identity propels us into compassion and grace for ourselves and our neighbor and gives us reason to make a difference in a world that suffers.  It allows us to look in the mirror and see good and then take that good and see it in those around us.  It inspires us to seek justice and freedom for those less fortunate and find true purpose in everything we do, whether it be in work, creativity, or mundane tasks.  Core identity found in God leads us only to believe that we are created not just to exist, but to live abundantly, and if we are to live abundantly, we must let go of our present ideologies and come back to our first love, our truth.  

So let us hold on with good faith those things that held us in the beginning.  Let us dig deeper to find the “genesis” us, the us that was before the pain, the suffering, the lies, the distrust, the hopelessness, the emotions, the disconnection, and the shame.  Only our creator can show us who we truly are.  Only he can reveal to us our original purpose and making.  It is imperative then that we enter into relationship with such a loving being, so that we may discover what has been known by him all along: that our identity is grounded in good soil with strong roots, that we are bound to love by chains inseverable, and that our lives are defined not by any external source or doing, but by the voice of the ageless one in us.  

I have recently come to realize that I have a lot more shame in my life than I ever cared to admit.  In having a few conversations with some friends about shame, its definition and effects, I started to see patterns of fear and shame that have persisted since I was very young.  For some reason, I have overlooked shame in my life and almost operated like it didn’t exist at all.  Perhaps it is because I never actually knew what it meant.  Shame is something I know that all human beings deal with.  In the Christian narrative, with Adam and eve, it is indeed the first negative feeling that we ever felt as the human race.  Adam and Eve sinned against God and then covered their naked bodies as to not expose theirselves.  They thought it right to hide in the bushes from the Lord.  In narratives throughout ancient history too, we see patterns of tribes and cultures running from their own failures and sins, putting fault on others, shifting blame on different groups, and relating to their gods through blood and human sacrifice, for, in essence, they knew that there had to be punishment and appeasement to these gods.  Humans have, for as long as we have been here, needed to be right with ourselves, with others, and with the gods.  We have this internal need to feel like we are accepted and valued and loved, and when it looks like we will not be accepted or we feel that disconnection can happen, we feel shame.  Let me explain further.  

A simple example of shame would be a child disobeying their parent.  Often times, a child will do something wrong and then either place blame on their other sibling, lie about what they did, or hide away from their parent until they find out and can’t hide any longer.  Sound familiar to the garden of Eden?  Shame is learned young.  Now the child may fear being open about what they did because they fear the punishment that is to come or the possible disconnection (or decrease of love) that they will receive from their parent.  They are afraid of being exposed, for in being exposed they are vulnerable to be criticized and chastised.  

Another example of shame would be in the arena of homosexuality.  Shame is often set into motion when standards are not met.  Societal standards in many cultures are set at heterosexuality.  In many cases, especially in decades prior, a person may feel attraction to the same sex and shame at the same time, for they are feeling something that isn’t “normal” per say.  Feelings and thoughts of ostracism from society come blazing into the psyche.  Next, feelings of shame or hatred towards oneself come because having attractions like these may be considered by the person to be abnormal, wrong, and in some cases, evil.  In religious spheres, unfortunately, many homosexuals feel that God too does not approve of them, their attractions, or their lifestyle.  (I am not speaking for all homosexuals, just from my talks with close relatives who are gay, my understanding of shame and my own feelings of same-sex attraction in the past.)  You can see the terrible cycle of shame that this produces.  When not embraced in any of the areas (self, society, and religion) one may feel a profound sense of self hatred, anxiety, and the belief that not only their feelings are wrong and undesirable but that they themselves are wrong and undesirable.  

Shame is something that if not dealt with can cause significant mental illness, insecurity, and emotional bondage.  It is imperative that we grow in our understanding of ourselves and our minds so that we can get to any root of shame in our lives.  I know personally that I struggle deeply with shame and have overlooked many thought patterns in my life.  I am afraid of disconnection.  I am afraid that my feelings are not valid, that they are wrong, and so I often keep them to myself.  I am afraid still, even after being a Christian for years, that at the end of the day I will not be accepted by the Lord for certain things.  But I also am now dedicated and determined to receive my acceptance in the Lord.  I know that the only way I can overcome shame is to embrace unconditional love and empathy.  I know that I have created ideas of God based on my own insecurities.  I have believed him to be overbearing, sin focused, judgmental, and mean, but I also have encountered a God who accepts me before I accept myself, before others accept me, who embraces every flaw and comes looking for me even when I hide just like he did in the garden with Adam and Eve.  I know him to be relentless in pursuing me, in desiring me, in knowing me, and in loving me.  All I need to do is step into that belief.  Only then can I let go of the other two areas.  I can let go of what others think and believe and I can let go of my own self-blame and self-condemnation.  

You are not condemned.  You are not shameful.  You are not wrong or undesirable.  You are loved deeply and unconditionally.  You are more than you think.  You are powerful and beautiful and free.  Only when we receive unconditional acceptance can we fully live.  Acceptance is the cure to shame.  God knows all of what we feel and experience; he is not a distant God who does not understand our suffering and fear.  In fact, he jumps straight into our suffering; just look at the cross.  He partners with us and shows us truth in all of the scary emotions we have.  He is so close.  Make a step today to overcome shame with me.  Let us accept and receive each other.  Let us enter into the areas of the unknown, into vulnerability and trust, and let us live the abundant life that God has promised us.  I believe whole-heartedly that it is God’s will that we be free from shame.  So let’s chase after that freedom.

  

Actual Picture of what happens when Jesus comes and wrecks your life…..

If you believe in a God who is not fun, you should seriously consider switching your belief system.  If your God is always stealing your joy, focusing on what you don’t do right, and demanding an incredible amount of obedience without giving you abundant life and freedom, then you aren’t following the true God, you are caught up in a unhealthy relationship with religion, and ultimately the devil.  The God who has won my heart…well, his middle name is joy, and his last name, and his first name.  Yep, Jesus’ real name is JOY JOY JOY.  Who would have thought?  Apparently, the translators of the Bible have been making this mistake for centuries.  HAHA.  But actually, God is really happy, and he is extremely happy when he is in loving communion with his children.  He loves to dance and sing and laugh and shout and party.  Jesus’ first miracle was at a party (John 2),  and his last miracle will be to come and get his people and bring them to an eternal wedding celebration and feast with all of our angel friends and family.  He is the God of celebration, love parties, freedom dances, and of adventure (Zeph 3:17, Psalm 149:3, Psalm 47:1).  

Now I know what you are thinking, if God is so fun, then why is church so boring?  Well, because a lot of his people are really boring.  Plain and simple.  And I don’t say this in a mean way; I don’t actually believe that anyone is truly boring in themselves.  I do believe however that people exist within systems that stifle creativity and freedom, and thus, in attempt to be “someone” or make a name for themselves within that system, they adhere to rules and regulations and hide in prisons and boxes that cut them off from their destiny for Joy.  In the church, for example, leaders have created boxes and systems around God based on their own religious ideas of what pleases him.  God likes rigid structure, he loves when we sing hymns in monotone voices and recite memory verses.  He apparently loves us more when we worship without passion, so we have talks with people about getting undignified, use christianese, like “you have zeal, but the Lord is going to give you wisdom,” which in essence is saying, “you are really passionate, but stop because people are getting offended.” So this is why some traditions adopted the demonistic theology that God doesn’t like dancing and hates rock n’ roll.  What an annoying idea of God! 

All I am saying is, maybe God is a lot different then we think he is.  Maybe he can still hear us if we pray without closing our eyes and bowing our heads.  Maybe he likes when we get crazy in his presence, run around and sing.  Maybe he is passionate about the things we are passionate about.  Maybe he sees the good in every musical artist, and sees a person’s heart rather than just the language they use.  Maybe God likes to have a good laugh, and enjoys our humor.  Maybe he wants to laugh with us, enjoy that concert with us, write that blog with us, be creative with us, live with us, be with us, and love us completely and without condition.  Maybe God relates more to humanity than our religious structure could ever dream of.  Maybe he is more human than we think…perhaps that is why we are his image…and perhaps that is why he showed himself fully expressed as a man, leaving the “far off God image” behind and coming close into every area and aspect of our lives.  Maybe God is super freaking awesome!!!!  

I am not saying that all churches are bad, or that everyone is religious.  I love my home church so much, and believe that we are one of the most free in the whole wide world. Also, I find it an absolute tragedy that some give up on pursuing the God of true pleasure and freedom because some church service orchestrated by people who think “boring” and “holy” are the same thing made them fall asleep.  Let’s dive into who God actually is.  Let’s go straight to the source and pray diligently that he [or she for you feminists 🙂 ] would show us how fun and exciting the kingdom of God can be.  Because lets be honest, every human knows deep down in their heart that earthly pleasure, self seeking, money, sex, drunkenness, party drama, can only satisfy for a little while.  It leads to a big fat hole in the heart; I have seen it time and time again.  The party nature of God, however, leads to everlasting joy, a joy that lasts through the trial and sustains through every part of life.  God wants to be our source of fun in every area, so lets ditch the religion, learn from the author of life how to live ours, and party with the one who has been the fountain of satisfaction and happiness since time began.  Woot Woot fam, Woot Woot.