Baseball Roots

When I was younger, I played a lot of baseball.  I fell in love with it when I was about 8 years old and played until I got into high school when I stopped because, to be honest, I just didn’t make the team my freshman year.  Anti-climactic right?  Anyway, there was a season that I played (which was no doubt my favorite season) on the PONY Baseball Cardinals.  I was 13 years old and was in the prime of my playing as sad as that is to say.  I was an excellent second baseman, from what my coach said at least, and had one of the highest batting averages on the team.  I loved making plays and diving for the ball and there was no better feeling than making contact bat to ball and sending a line drive or huge banger into the outfield.  I remember specifically a play I made at second with 2 outs where I dove for the ball and caught it off of a bounce and then threw it to first from my belly to get the runner out just in time.  My whole team and all the parents were screaming and excited and I felt like a super star. 

Unfortunately, this great feeling was ended not many games after when a ground ball took a dirty hop and popped me right in the eye.  I remember so vividly the pain of that experience, getting taken off the field and having to put ice on my eye, my mom doing what mom’s do, probably freaking out and trying to help me.  But this hit I took didn’t just affect me physically, the ball hit me psychologically.  From that point on I was no longer the super star second baseman that I used to be.  I was hesitant getting to the ball when it was hit to me, I prayed that it would go to the short stop instead, and I was extremely fearful of reliving the painful experience that I had a couple weeks ago.  Deep in my subconscious I knew that it could happen again and I was almost involuntarily doing everything I could to keep that from happening.  Long story short, I got moved to outfield because I couldn’t ground a ball to save my life, and the season ended, I got some confidence back, and was ok for the next year. YAY for time that heals right?

Looking back on that experience today I felt compelled to move this narrative and apply it to our lives and the New year.  Are you glad that I got to the point of this post?  haha.  There are certainly pains and hurts in our lives, like the baseball hitting me in the eye, ironically, that change our perspective on life.  They make us more hesitant, afraid to jump into things, things that could be very good like relationships or deeper friendships, new job opportunities and faith in God.  Our poor experiences can alter the way we see ourselves and people, to the point that we do anything we can to protect ourselves from those things that could hurt us again.  The New Year brings great hope in that people start thinking about things they want to change, dreams they want to accomplish, and fears they want to overcome.  But most often, these ideals of change fail because the root of fear, or apathy, or withdrawal is so deep within our psyche.  If we want genuine change this year then we identify our baseball roots, cut them off, and get ourselves back in the game.  If we want to have deeper relationships this year, then we have to get to the baseball root that is keeping our hearts from intimacy.  If we want to change our job situation than we have to get to the baseball root of what is keeping us from the courage to take a leap of faith.  If we want to pursue God in a more powerful way this year than we have to get to the baseball root of our laziness and dependency on worldly things that we might think satisfy us more than him.  And then once we get to the root, we have to cut that root, seek healing, and jump into the unknown.  

We must not just identify a root and let it be, but rip it out and run into whatever the courage and intimacy and faith is that we are seeking, and then develop practices that help us stay where we want to be.  For example, It would be great if I could identify that me getting hurt by the baseball affected my mind and my game, but that identification would not heal me unless I got back on the field and ran full force at that grounder, giving myself another shot to get a sweet diving out.  It would never be effective unless I practiced with the team and continued to put myself in situations where the same thing could happen.  But just because it could happen again shouldn’t keep me from playing the game I love with great friends.  Just because you’ve been hurt in the past by a person doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t jump back into relationships (make sure they are healthy of course) because those relationships are good for you and will fill you with joy and love.  Just because you feel a little tight on money doesn’t mean that you should keep a job you hate with a passion just so you can survive.  And just because you’ve been hit in the eye by hypocrisy in the church doesn’t mean that God doesn’t exist and love you and have wonderful community for you. 

This New Year will be the same as the last year if we don’t let go of our past hurts and enter into new things.  We have to be intentional and thoughtful with the things that are keeping us from pursuing our dreams and investing in life-giving, deep relationships.  When we let go we will see that it was really all a poor perspective in our minds.  It was really just a ball that hit us in the eye and scared us away from being confident and secure and full of joy.  Don’t let the pain shift your perspective, let it move you right into your mountains and let it lead you to leap right over them.